I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
