i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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