Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
