I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
farters have to be the big spoon...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
