i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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