Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
