people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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