Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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