He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
