What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
