maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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