That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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