Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
