When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we're so committed to being not committed
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