i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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