I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize