I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize