I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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