I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
