There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
