didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
