she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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