Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
where are my eyebrows?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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