trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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