Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize