I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
