I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
