I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
