dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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