I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
