More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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