dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
