My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
