my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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