Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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