Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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