i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
