Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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