whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
