someone threw a dead crab at me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
