So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
