And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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