im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize