Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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