Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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