She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
