a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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