your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
