you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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