Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just gargled with NyQuil
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
