Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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