I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
