it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
