I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
