Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
