Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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