I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We are all done wearing pants today
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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