why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ladies don't puke and tell
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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