If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
