There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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