***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
