my mouth tastes like poor choices
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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