the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
