the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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