i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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