I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
