Your dad touched me again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
