I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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