I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
