I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
