You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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