I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
