I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
