Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
