Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
