Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
