when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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