You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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